THE NEW ADMINISTRATION’S PRIORITIES EXEMPLIFIED

Last week around this time the world was in a panic. The apocalypse was descending and there was only one man who could save us.

Tik Tok

The context for this panic was the imminent ban of Tik Tok. It was a bit of mixed bag for me. I had just started to play around with the ap myself. If I’m being honest…which I always try to be…I really enjoy the ap. The interface is easy. It didn’t take me long to find my voice. Unfortunately, I was only able to get about a half-dozen Tik Toks up and running before the powers that be decided to shut it down. So, I lost something I liked, but didn’t have much of an investment in compared to those who had literally posted thousands of videos.

Why did they shut it down? What were their concerns? The government was very worried that the Chinese Communist Party would get their hands on my metadata. This could pose a national security risk.

I know!

Of course, Mark Zuckerberg having my data is no big deal. Google. Verizon. Citibank. A list of all the massive corporations whose profit margins dwarf most countries. Indeed, if Facebook were a nation, it would be the largest nation in the world and in the top thirty most wealthy nations, with wealth holdings comparable to Poland. But Zuck can have all my information. That’s fine. Just not the CCP.

But, you know, communists! So Tik Tok had to go.

What’s to stop Zuck from selling my metadata to the CCP or to Tik Tok?

…um…look…don’t get off subject!

Along comes a hero, emerging over the horizon like a big orange sunrise, to save the day. Despite the fact that the Orange Don is the guy who started this whole “ban Tik Tok” thing, he was there to save the platform. He had a change of heart.

Of course, this change of heart had nothing to do with a meeting he had with billionaire conservative megadonor Jeff Yass. Of course, it had nothing to do with the bald flattery lathered on the President Elect like his favorite condiment by Tik Tok CEO Shou Zi Chew. We know the Tangerine Tyrant can’t be swayed by mere asskissery.

It might have had something to do with fact that the Orange Don now has millions of followers on TikTok. Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me!

Wait! The Chinese Communist Party has access to the President’s metadata? And that’s okay?

Regardless, he had a change of heart, and that’s perfectly fine. By 2024, however, Tik Tok was under fire by the beltway for allowing videos to spread confirming the reality of the genocide in Gaza. Tik Tok had to go. With some exceptions, Democrats signed on as well…likely for similar reasons.

The exceptions were Progressives. They tried to turn their “moderate” peers around to stop the Tik Tok banning tide. Progressives were aware that a ban on a popular social media app was not just bad policy, it was also bad politics. True to form, the “leftist” Democratic Party ignored its left.

So, now The Blatherer-in-Chief can stride onto the scene as the hero who protected our precious. The day before the inauguration, for no apparent reason, Tik Tok shut down American access to the ap. It was then, apparently, magically restored thanks to the incoming President who simply stated that he would refuse to enforce the law. We all know how President Theyletmedoit feels about laws he doesn’t like. CEO Shou Chew responded in kind by name dropping the President in the push message announcing Tik Tok’s resurrection.

The writing is on the wall…or rather the home screen. Zuck stumbled all over himself to kiss the gaudy gold ring, not to be outdone by plutocratic puckerers Jeff Bezos, Sundar Pichai, Shou Chew, and Tim Cook. What other concessions have these pioneers of the new world made to the personification of the old? It’s impossible to say for sure.² Certainly, that there was no quid pro quo involved. That would be so unlike President Pussygrabber.³

Meanwhile, Republicans are now stuck. Do they push forward and try to force the President to do his job, and enforce this unpopular law that they created to pacify him? The moderate Democrats are standing there, red-faced, having been pantsed by the incoming administration. The Progressives are standing there saying, “We told you!”

The only thing everyone can agree on is that the Progressives need to shut their smug mouths.

CBP One

There was another app that was impacted by the new administration. While we were all concerned that we would not be able to share our opinions, observations, booty-dances, and pet videos, others were inconvenienced in more dire and dramatic ways.

In 2023 President Biden inaugurated an app called CBP One. It had a shaky start with an overwhelming number of people trying to sign on at the same time once it was up and running (think Healthcare.gov’s first days). However, CBP One has been the lifeline for literally hundreds of thousands of people seeking asylum in the United States to do so in a safe, legal, and bureaucratically organized way as opposed to making the dangerous overland route through the desert.⁴

By all accounts, the program was a success. The app served almost 1500 migrants a day, and almost a million have been able to enter the country legally. This was an integral part in the dramatic decrease in border crossings toward the end of Biden’s presidency. Indeed, CBP One is a big reason why Orange Grift will inherit a better immigration situation than he left in 2020.⁵

Thus, as with any effective Democratic policy, it had to go. Upon taking office, the Grifter-in-Chief shut down the CBP One app, slamming the door on thousands of migrants guilty of nothing more than following the rules.

This flies in the face of claims made by the right during the campaign. When the Orange Don would spew his vitriol about immigrants as criminals thinning the blood of our country, his sycophantic supporters would translate his bile into human. He was talking about the bad immigrants, the illegals who flaunt the law, sneak in, commit crimes. That’s who he’s targeting.

We were reassured that good, legal immigrants who do things the right way, follow the law and stand in line will be just fine. He is going to protect us from dangerous Venezuelan death gangs and MS-13.

Well, that myth didn’t age well.

On day one, the President slammed the door on immigrants who followed the law, signed up for their appointments and were literally standing in line waiting for the chance to improve their lives. They did everything the correct and legal way.

But they were brown…and that’s really what this is all about. It’s not about legal verses illegal, or criminal verses law abiding. It’s about brown people seeking opportunities.

They were the best of times, they were the worst of times. This Tale of Two apps is a snapshot of the next four years. The Orange Don is not interested in governing in any standard definition of the term. He has always been and will always be a hound for attention. Those with enough wealth and influence and access to attention will prosper like never before so long as they are willing to kiss the ring. Policy that impacts the lives of working people, especially brown working people, will be decided based on whether or not it constitutes enough red meat to reward his heartless and sociopathic base.

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Notes

1. Clearly AI generated, but I like to be transparent. ↩︎
2. My daughter called me the other day and informed me that I was now “friends” with The Filanderer-in-Chief and his Vice Enabler, J.D. Vance. I said, “How did that happen?” She responded, “It’s Zuckerberg, Dad. It’s happening to everyone.” The press reports that that was just a result of the Biden account switching over. I don’t recall friending Biden and Harris either. Oh well. ↩︎
3. Another thing I noticed after the restoration of Tik Tok…just a personal anecdote. Before Tik Tok went down I was getting over fifteen hundred views on my uploads (not sure if this is good or bad. I just started out). Since Tik Tok has been bad I’m lucky if I can get half that. Strange. ↩︎
4. Wait! I thought Biden had open borders. Why would people sign on to the app when they can just show up and receive concierge service to American jobs and welfare! Stupid liberals! ↩︎
5. For the record, I’m not saying this like it’s a good thing. My position is that the United States needs more migrants, not fewer. I would like the borders to be more open, not less. ↩︎